No Matter what You're Doing, it's Still There

The book I'm reading is called Wherever Nina Lies by Lynn Weingarten. Its about a 16 year old girl, named Ellie, whose sister disappeared 2 years ago. Since then, Ellie has been searching for that sister Nina. It's about her not giving up, no matter what happens.

When Ellie meets Sean, at a party, the instantly connect, and when Sean finds out Ellie's story, he offers to help, saying;

"There are some things a person just never gets over, that the phrase 'get over' doesn't really apply to. And when one of those things happens in your life, it doesn't matter how much time has passed, or if you're sitting alone in your room in in a party surrounded by a hundred people, and it doesn't matter if you're actually thinking about it or not because no matter where you are or what you're doing, it's still there. It's not just something that happened. It's become part of you."

After I read this line, I kind of just closed the book and thought for a few minutes. I heard the noises around me faintly, and they sounded far away. I felt like I wasn't there, but looking at myself. The way different things have become a part of me, thinking what and where I'd be if my life hadn't gone the exact way it did. As if every single part of me was caused by something else, and something else and something else. It made me think, It makes sense people believe in God. This couldn't just be a big coincidence. It seems so perfectly planned out, it couldn't possibly just be us, living as us, doing for us, all affecting each other in ways we didn't know, by coincidence. I remembered how earlier in the book Sean had said that it was obvious that the plan for them to meet was written long long before the were born.

This idea is so old, and so new. I've before thought to myself if I was making my own choices, or if someone else was. If I was controlled by myself, or just someone's puppet. I fantasized, maybe I was the character in a book. (Then I stopped thinking about that, hoping my book was one with a happy ending.) The idea of myself not knowing what my future is, but someone else knowing, someone else deciding who I'll meet and what I'll do and the promises I'll make, the ones i keep and the ones I don't, kind of disturbed me. If there is a God or a puppet-masterI hope he has what's best for me in mind.

I read on after a few more moments, but as I read, I thought about this character in this book, her motives, her reasons for what she does and what shes done. How Nina's disappearance affected. How she may be wondering whether her desicions are her own. Whether Sean realy truly believes in fate and destiny and all things corny, and believes that that is the true reason he met Ellie. What makes their connection so true, if its just a scripted scene in a play. If we're all actors in a pre-written story, is there any point to live it. Many people have said that they'd prefer death to life without freedom, but according to this idea, we really have no freedom. Or if we should just enjoy what we have- which is a world as close to freedom for many as it will get, and think not of this until it truly matters.

I think this book is playing with these ideas, ideas of people, and the choices they make, and what makes them make these choices, and if they really make them at all and the worlds just one big coincidence, of it maybe, some one else, somewhere else is calling the shots.

A letter to things that completely irratate me.

Dear Things,

I have noticed lately many of you have required a completely irritating demeanor. I would just like to call some of you out on it, so you know where we stand.

Clips. (For hair, paper and other things)
The first thing: You have a obnoxious tendency to get lost very easily. Though there is a impossibly huge number of you in the world, I find myself constantly buying more of you. Instead of falling on the ground and disappearing, perhaps you could stay in my hair, or on my paper.
Another thing: Why are you never big enough to hold what i need to? As hard as I may pull you open and clip you down, you're completely unable to contain more than 2 strands of hair or 3 papers. It seems as if your rather useless if you can do that
A specific note to binder clips
(the large black ones)
I strain my fingers over and over trying to open you by pushing down on your stupidly shaped metal wings. Well no more. If i really wanted, i could use staples. Or tape. If i was really desperate, a rubber band. Are you losing your job security? You should be. You could easily be replaced. Think about that.

More obnoxious things later, I need a nap.

Fade

I just finished Fade by Lisa McMann. Its a fantasy book, or so i think. Its the kind of book that is so welll written it seems that it could be real life. I didn't really realise untill right now that it WASN'T realistic fiction. Its a short book, the sequel to Wake, about a girl named Janie who can slip into other peoples dreams. Did i say can? Is forced to everytiem someone in the same room as her falls asleep. SHe tumbles out of her world into theirs. And, she has the power to help, to fix nightmares, give the dreamer a change. But more than it beign about that, its about her live for her boyfriend, and whether he can move past all the side affects of her abilities.

Cabel (her boyfriend) claims hell love her froever, but Janies not so sure. She knows he loves her now, but she also knows in a few years everything could change. This brings up a serious question. Can love REALLY defy all odds? I hope so. I imagine thats what we should think, but thats one of those things thats so hard to be sure about. Janie knows that it'll be hard for her to accept the side affects, and she just doesn't know if she can trust Cabel with her heart.

This then brought me to another question. Is there anyone who will actually definately love Janie after it's all said and done? Her mother is a cruel jobless alchoholic, she doesn't know her father, and the only person who knows her secret is Cabel, and her boss. The only place that she'd be safe from dreams is complete isolation, and she's scared that that'll be her pnly option. Shes stuck, with hardly any choices and none of them easy.

It's a really thought-provoking book, and it made me re-think some things I thought i knew. Before this book if you asked me "Can love conquer all?" I'd say " I think so." Now, I say "I HOPE so."

ELA Responce Freak Show

I had been eying the book Freak Show by James St. James for a while. I had read the blurb at least 20 times, a story about a gay, cross dressing boy who moves to some swampy, all-white-republican, play-by-the-rules town in Florida. I finally decided to grab the book on my way out of the library, hoping for a interesting book. I was wrong. This book isn't just INTERESTING. It was as if you had taken the life of this boy, and autopsied it. To be completely honest, I cried. Books haven't made me really just bawl since I read Esperanza Rising in fourth grade. It was easy to guess from the first page that Billy was going to have hard times. But the book wasn't ever predictable.

As I read through this book I noticed again, I couldn't find any Archetypes to drop Billy or his straight (?) love-interest Flip into. The storyline of this book was like a complicated dance. The charecters spun and wove themselves around in circles, back and forth. It didn't always revolve around Billy. Not always, just usually. I don't know if Billy is quite a Hero, but he's definitely a winner. He wins the respect of his peers. He wins in his goal of shaking up the super conservative school. He wins in become a super hero, to him and his few, true, friends.

But no. Billy DOESN'T always win. Because that just not realistic. He endurs 10, good fabulous outfits (at least) ruined, or mocked, hundreds of threats, bulllying, threats he'll burn in Hell (brought on by the Bible Bells, the all christian, faithful students, who tourture Billy in there own religious ways) and much more loss. However, with him he has two friends. One who he happens to want to be much more than friends.

*Here Comes A Spoiler. So You Might Want To Stop Reading Here And Actually Go Read Freakshow*

Then comes the fateful kiss with Flip. I'm not going to ruin anymore than i have to, so I won't go on to say what happens next. I will tell you that i jumped up and screamed when this happened, then i ran around my house in excited circles for a few moments. But wait, we think. Flip isn't gay. He's super straight infamous football hero, known for his amazing last minute flip, in which he caught the ball and won the game. Why is he kissing Ultra-Gay, amazing Billy? *more spoiler that would've ruined my life if someone told me before i read the book.* Don't think: It's love that turns straight boys gay. Flip isn't gay. He abandons Billy there, and they hardly ever talk again through the book. This is where I cried. Hard. I felt myself being Billy. Right when I let my guard down and finally kiss Flip, he leaves. Until this point, Flip was my Hero. But now. Not so much. It just goes to show, good stories dont let any character fall into and archetype. Except maybe shapeshifter...

Its Definitley Fall...

It's the most unsurpassed time of the year. Its full of inspiration people seem to just ignore it, pretend its just there. Consider it just a bridge between seasons, and not one worth look out on. We dont apreciate the way the sun shines down, but doesnt redden out skin. The way the clouds crowd in the sky jut so. The chilly rainy days that can inspire whole novels, and the beatiful warmer days, that can inspire life. In fall, sure we talk about leaves, the green ones, the red ones, the orangey colors splashing about playfully on treetops, lighting the whole city on fire, casting a brighter glow than the sun. But honestly. Leaves aren't enough to define a whole season. You can say you don't like Fall, or leaves, but its my prefered season. None can ever compare. Ever. Were leaving behind those sweltering days, and as the wind blows it brings in a bit of chill. We can wear our sweaters, but we don't yet need our heavy down coats. We can snuggle under a blanket, or go outside and enjoy the weather. its the absolute perfect time of year, if not at least compromise between all 4 seasons. And it gives us so much to write about. I just can't understand how we don't apreciate this perfect time of year.

Chapter One ELA peice (collaboration with Nina and Janée)

“Excuse me! Sir? Do you have a reservation?” Trudy shuffled the papers on her desk nervously. There was something off about the tall man in the dark suit standing before her. The motel doors closed slowly behind him, letting in a blast of cold air and rain that made Trudy shiver behind her receptionist’s desk.

“No.” He said marching by, slapping a business card on her desk. “Charge any fees to the company.” He grabbed the upper arm of the woman standing next to him. Her face was contorted with fear and pain, but Trudy could tell she was absolutely stunning. By the length of her skirt- the amount of fabric it clearly took, she assumed she was relatively upper-class. Trudy’s on dress was a bit shorter and thinner due to the fabric rationing brought on by the recent World War II. The man took her down the hall and Trudy looked on after her. The woman turned back and caught Trudy’s eye, just for a second. She looked familiar, something about her face reminded Trudy of her own daughter, Rosalyn.

“We have no vacancies!” Trudy lied, looking down the hallway. They were only a few doors down, and Trudy knew they could hear her, but the tall dark haired figure ignored her.

After a moment’s hesitation, Trudy stood up and followed the couple down the hall. She walked as quietly as she could, and the man never turned back. When the two stopped in front of an empty one-bed room, Trudy pressed herself against a potted fern. She wasn’t as young as she used to be, and she hoped her newfound tummy didn’t stick out from behind the tree.

“Melinda, please.” The man coaxed. His hand played with the charms dangling from Melinda’s bracelet. She pulled her hand back, looking repulsed. The name Melinda triggered something in the back of Trudy’s mind, but she couldn’t tell what. Perhaps an old school mate? She thought. But no, the woman was at least 10 years younger. Trudy shook away the thought, and watched with renewed interest as the woman spoke.

“No Mack. You are not Andy. You will never be him. Please, just leave me alone.” She began to walk away, but he grabbed the back of her small flapper dress’s skirt. The material pulled her back into place. She turned around, her eyes widening.

“Melinda.” Mack said slowly and calmly, as if explaining to a small child. “You and I are MEANT to be together. There is a reason Andrew died! I promise you, with all of my heart, I will never ever desert you like he did. I will never let you go. I will do my best to make you happy. For ever, it is my pledge.”

“You promise that? If that’s true, let me GO! I do not want to be with you! Please let me go.” She pulled with all her might and suddenly, Mack’s face grew cold, stone-like. He pulled her close. His voice grew lower and his words became sharp. Trudy couldn’t hear his exact words, but he knew there was a threat along the lines. He motioned to a bulge under his coat. Trudy couldn’t tell what I it was, but it seemed to change Melinda’s whole attiude. Trudy could tell the man was dangerous, but had no idea what was under his thin button-up coat. She had a feeling she didn’t want to know either.

Melinda gulped, and then nodded. Mack smiled as if he had just won some game and pushed the door open. Melinda walked in and Mack did the same. Then Trudy, whose fear was paralyzing, saw something terrifying. Melinda turned, just once. Her eyes found Trudy’s immediately, as if she had known the woman was watching all along. With cherry red lips, she mouthed the word.

Help.

Killer

     I picked up this book only because I've been dying to know what happens next since the T.V. show took it's season break. I didn't expect it to be so greatly written, I  was only in it for the story line. But i was wrong. During this whole book, it's kept me thinking and guessing. The best thing about it was the fact that there was absolutely never a dull moment, never  a paragraph of thick text i just wanted to skip over to get to the good part. My mind was spinning, looking for the answers to puzzles with-in the books, trying to figure things out. I felt myself become transported in, and there wasn't a way out but to finish the book (not that I wanted out). The author lays things out in the book so expertly, and it never seems like the author got lazy and just threw some obvious clue in. Each character came alive to me, and i found myself constantly telling them what to do, before realizing they couldn't hear me. I got scared, excited, nervous, happy, felt every emotion of these character's, all due to the writers craft. And as i read, i noted that no character jumped out to me as hero or villain, good or bad, right or wrong. They all had layers and feelings, like real people, because to be honest i cannot find a single REAL person who could fit into any one archetype. Whether it be shape shifter or mentor or some other, no one seems so shallow that they only can be characterized to one. In this way, the authors bring the characters to life, making you love and hate them. And when you mix all these elements together, you  end up with this amazing, deep, layered story.