I heard a story from a friend of mine when I originally drafted this post. It went something like this. A man jumps off a bridge, committing suicide. Behind him, he leaves a note. It says, “I am going to walk all the way down this bridge. If just one person smiles at me, I will not jump."
That story filled me up with two very different emotions. It's a somewhat corny mix, but I felt both scared, and hopeful.
Scared, because what if one day I'm standing on that bridge? Or maybe it's not a bridge, but I'm one of the people this suicidal man looks at for a smile, and I just avoid eye contact (that's what I do when random guys give me weird looks). And everyone else avoids contact too, so he thinks, Fuck it, I'm gonna jump. So down he goes into the frothy water below. All the people on the bridge and myself feel pity for that man, but not guilt, because what were we supposed to do? How could we help? The fact that those questions remain unanswered gives us comfort, because no one else knows what we should've done. Applying my brother's logic: If you didn't know, why would *I* know?
But then, BAM, in that note there's the answer. The one answer we weren't really looking for. And it's such a simple answer; I wouldn't be able to believe I didn't do it. All he wanted was a smile, which I give to other students in the hall who I don't even like. Why couldn't I afford this man one smile? And then the guilt sets in, the kind that never leaves in these theoretical situations.
But, if that's the fear, there's also the hope. Now that I know, I doubt it'll make me smile at every single person I see on bridges. But there is still the hope that sits in the fact that there is something I could do. When there’s nothing I can do, I fear helpless, which makes me hopeless...
But now, I know there’s a little chance that suicidal people can be stopped, maybe not in the case of this story, (which is just and urban legend) but next time.
Anyways, I bring this up because a little while ago I read a book called 13 Reasons Why, by Jay Asher. It's about a girl name Hannah, (coincidently the name of the girl who told me that jumper story I started the post with) who sends out 13 audiotapes to the people who in some way influenced her to commit suicide (she sends it to person #1, who sends it to #2 etc. etc.) Its from the point of person number 9, and we listen to his thoughts and conversations, and alternately going from him to Hannah’s words which are written in italics.
Spoiler Paragraph, Please Skip This Section of the Post if You Haven't Read the Book and Would Like to:
This post is based on the last side of the last audiotape, which is the big *twist* in the story. Hannah goes to Mr. Porter, the school guidance counselor, and tells him she’s considering committing suicide. And, after talking for a few minutes he tells her to move on from the problems she’s facing, that there's nothing she can do. She’s says, Okay she will, and she's done. Done with life. Done with everything. And Mr. Porter lets her walk out the door without making any moves to stop her.
Continue Here if You Skipped the Spoiler Paragraph:
This was so confusing. Honestly, if I knew anyone was considering suicide I'd stop them. I don't care who it is, I would try to save their life. Wouldn't you? Even the person I hate the most I would try to stop her/him from dying- from taking their own life. Maybe that’s all some people need, just another person telling them not to do it, not to give up. To know their needed or wanted may just be enough
It reminds me of the song, "Leave Before the Lights Come on" by the Arctic Monkeys. The video is of a woman, who stands on a roof, contemplating suicide. She drops her right shoe on a man, giving him a chance to look up, know what she's doing, to save her. And of course, he does, as most people say they would-- I mean who could ignore it? It ends up all she wants is attention, love from someone, something he can't give- he's engaged, and not interested in her that way. She follows him, trying to get him to love her and to want her, but he doesn't. So, she runs back to that very same building and repeats... She stands, looks down, and drops her right shoe...
If you want to watch it here's the link- you may not like the song but just watch the video: http://www.youtube.com/watchv=SEukS2YN9B8&feature=related
I happen to like the song, and think the video is really thought provoking. But at the same time, it gets me kind of angry. It seems like in the beginning of the song she really is going to commit suicide and her shoe just falls. She honestly looks torn, frustrated, and about ready to end it all. But then, at the end of the video, she’s up there again. And this time, it doesn't seem like she really plans on dying. It seems like (I know this is a terrible thing to say, even about a fictional character in a music video who doesn't even have a name) she's just doing it for attention.
I've considered suicide and dying before. Not for very long stretches of time, and not as a very serious idea, more like food for thought. My main thought branching out from that has always been: What would people I know do? Who would shake their head solemnly but inside be happy? Who would cry, but not really mean it? And who would really miss me? Who would regret the things they did when I was alive once I was gone? Of course, seconds later I laugh off the idea, not really ready to die at all. But of course, there are those people who don't laugh it off, and who don't decide against it.
Before this book, I thought suicide was quitting. But now I realize how wrong I was. Reading this book, Jay Asher really explains something to me. He helps me understand that suicide isn't quitting. It's a snowball effect of events that slowly build up until you can't take it anymore, and you can't bear to be alive. Sometimes people think they're doing the world a favor. Sometimes all they need is someone to stop them. The thought that a guidance counselor wouldn't stop her makes me sick. It's like assisted suicide-- even murder-- knowing someone will kill themselves and not trying to stop it.
Maybe he didn't think he could save her. But the fact that she was alive that day and asking for help meant she wasn't really ready to die... I guess I'm just making excuses.
But maybe there's something I don't know. Maybe there's some reason Mr. Porter wouldn't stop Hannah from killing herself.
Would you stop someone if you could? And if you don't, is that like murder?
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call 1-800- SUICIDE (1-800- 784-3433), 212-532-2400, OR 1-800- 273- TALK. There is help, and you can stop someone from commiting suicide, or even stop yourself.
That story filled me up with two very different emotions. It's a somewhat corny mix, but I felt both scared, and hopeful.
Scared, because what if one day I'm standing on that bridge? Or maybe it's not a bridge, but I'm one of the people this suicidal man looks at for a smile, and I just avoid eye contact (that's what I do when random guys give me weird looks). And everyone else avoids contact too, so he thinks, Fuck it, I'm gonna jump. So down he goes into the frothy water below. All the people on the bridge and myself feel pity for that man, but not guilt, because what were we supposed to do? How could we help? The fact that those questions remain unanswered gives us comfort, because no one else knows what we should've done. Applying my brother's logic: If you didn't know, why would *I* know?
But then, BAM, in that note there's the answer. The one answer we weren't really looking for. And it's such a simple answer; I wouldn't be able to believe I didn't do it. All he wanted was a smile, which I give to other students in the hall who I don't even like. Why couldn't I afford this man one smile? And then the guilt sets in, the kind that never leaves in these theoretical situations.
But, if that's the fear, there's also the hope. Now that I know, I doubt it'll make me smile at every single person I see on bridges. But there is still the hope that sits in the fact that there is something I could do. When there’s nothing I can do, I fear helpless, which makes me hopeless...
But now, I know there’s a little chance that suicidal people can be stopped, maybe not in the case of this story, (which is just and urban legend) but next time.
Anyways, I bring this up because a little while ago I read a book called 13 Reasons Why, by Jay Asher. It's about a girl name Hannah, (coincidently the name of the girl who told me that jumper story I started the post with) who sends out 13 audiotapes to the people who in some way influenced her to commit suicide (she sends it to person #1, who sends it to #2 etc. etc.) Its from the point of person number 9, and we listen to his thoughts and conversations, and alternately going from him to Hannah’s words which are written in italics.
Spoiler Paragraph, Please Skip This Section of the Post if You Haven't Read the Book and Would Like to:
This post is based on the last side of the last audiotape, which is the big *twist* in the story. Hannah goes to Mr. Porter, the school guidance counselor, and tells him she’s considering committing suicide. And, after talking for a few minutes he tells her to move on from the problems she’s facing, that there's nothing she can do. She’s says, Okay she will, and she's done. Done with life. Done with everything. And Mr. Porter lets her walk out the door without making any moves to stop her.
Continue Here if You Skipped the Spoiler Paragraph:
This was so confusing. Honestly, if I knew anyone was considering suicide I'd stop them. I don't care who it is, I would try to save their life. Wouldn't you? Even the person I hate the most I would try to stop her/him from dying- from taking their own life. Maybe that’s all some people need, just another person telling them not to do it, not to give up. To know their needed or wanted may just be enough
It reminds me of the song, "Leave Before the Lights Come on" by the Arctic Monkeys. The video is of a woman, who stands on a roof, contemplating suicide. She drops her right shoe on a man, giving him a chance to look up, know what she's doing, to save her. And of course, he does, as most people say they would-- I mean who could ignore it? It ends up all she wants is attention, love from someone, something he can't give- he's engaged, and not interested in her that way. She follows him, trying to get him to love her and to want her, but he doesn't. So, she runs back to that very same building and repeats... She stands, looks down, and drops her right shoe...
If you want to watch it here's the link- you may not like the song but just watch the video: http://www.youtube.com/watchv=SEukS2YN9B8&feature=related
I happen to like the song, and think the video is really thought provoking. But at the same time, it gets me kind of angry. It seems like in the beginning of the song she really is going to commit suicide and her shoe just falls. She honestly looks torn, frustrated, and about ready to end it all. But then, at the end of the video, she’s up there again. And this time, it doesn't seem like she really plans on dying. It seems like (I know this is a terrible thing to say, even about a fictional character in a music video who doesn't even have a name) she's just doing it for attention.
I've considered suicide and dying before. Not for very long stretches of time, and not as a very serious idea, more like food for thought. My main thought branching out from that has always been: What would people I know do? Who would shake their head solemnly but inside be happy? Who would cry, but not really mean it? And who would really miss me? Who would regret the things they did when I was alive once I was gone? Of course, seconds later I laugh off the idea, not really ready to die at all. But of course, there are those people who don't laugh it off, and who don't decide against it.
Before this book, I thought suicide was quitting. But now I realize how wrong I was. Reading this book, Jay Asher really explains something to me. He helps me understand that suicide isn't quitting. It's a snowball effect of events that slowly build up until you can't take it anymore, and you can't bear to be alive. Sometimes people think they're doing the world a favor. Sometimes all they need is someone to stop them. The thought that a guidance counselor wouldn't stop her makes me sick. It's like assisted suicide-- even murder-- knowing someone will kill themselves and not trying to stop it.
Maybe he didn't think he could save her. But the fact that she was alive that day and asking for help meant she wasn't really ready to die... I guess I'm just making excuses.
But maybe there's something I don't know. Maybe there's some reason Mr. Porter wouldn't stop Hannah from killing herself.
Would you stop someone if you could? And if you don't, is that like murder?
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call 1-800- SUICIDE (1-800- 784-3433), 212-532-2400, OR 1-800- 273- TALK. There is help, and you can stop someone from commiting suicide, or even stop yourself.
